The biggest Stupendously Handsome Incredibly Talented Person Occupying System Terra

Something stupid I thought up.

Alternatively titled Comma Hell

 

As it was a typical day, Kyle was sitting in his ‘apartment’, located in his parents basement, playing his favorite game, Warriors And Quests In Time, where he plays a female elf warrior wearing the best armor in the game, the Tiny Ice Thong of Total Invincibility with Enhanced Silhouette, that he purchased from a booty box, using a gift card he got for his birthday, and wields the strongest weapon, the Finial Ultimate Carving Knife Of Fairy Fire, that he took from the corpse of the Finial king, right after he killed him using his previous weapon, the Enhanced Acid Throwing Mace of Extermination; for the tenth straight hour, when all of a sudden he was teleported to an all white room, sitting in a big comfortable chair, and was startled when a voice emanated from everywhere, saying…

“Kyle, you are the only one who can save your world. We will bestow upon you the power and knowledge you will need to solve all of Terra’s problems.”

And with that a light flashed, filling the room, forcing Kyle to shut his eyes. When he opened them back up, he was back at Earth, wearing a brightly colored superhero outfit, cape included, floating above his hometown, Citytownburg, having his body morphed into the typical masculine superhero physique with rippling over sized muscles, an impossibly thin waist, and with full knowledge of all his powers and how to use them.

 

As he looked around using his new Photonically Enhanced Retinal Vision, which allows him to see through anything he wants, he saw a shootout between the police and a group of bank robbers, so he flew down, weaving in and out of the buildings, and landed between them, striking a dramatic hero pose. He looked at the police and announced “I’ll take care of this” and turned back to the robbers as they opened fire on him, with the bullets hitting him and falling straight to the ground. Kyle laughed and said “Your bullets can’t hurt me you petty criminals”, and with that, he waved his hand creating a strong enough wind to send the bad guys slamming into the bank wall behind them, knocking them out cold.

 

He stood there basking in the adulation of all the onlookers and police, when all of a sudden alien ships appeared in the sky and started shooting lasers into the city. He yelled out “Not to fear citizens, I will save the day” and took off to save the day. He flew toward the closest ship and as he got near, he sped up and bashed straight through it, causing it to explode. That caught the attention of the other nearby ships and they started firing on the hero causing him to laugh as they had no effect on his Amalgamated Carbon-fiber Nano-particle Epidermis. He grabbed the next closest ship and spun it around, throwing it, causing it to ricochet between a dozen other ships, destroying them all. He continued flying around the world destroying every ship in orbit, by using his Bicarbonic Unending Rapid-fire Plasma breath or just flying straight through them, until he was finally back above his hometown.

 

He slowly flew over the city, allowing the citizens to praise and thank him, and as he neared his home, he saw Stacy, his childhood crush since second grade, being forcibly escorted, by Chad, her boyfriend, toward his over sized four wheel drive truck, that Kyle knew was being used to compensate for something, as he had seen him naked in the locker room. He swooped down, landing next to Chad, and yelled “Take your hands off of her you uncultured swine! You are not good enough for a lady like Stacy.”

Chad let go of Stacy, causing her to fall down, and replied “It doesn’t matter if you got bigger, you are still a dweeb” and proceeded to throw a punch toward Kyle’s face.

Kyle just stood still, letting Chad’s punch strike him in the face, causing his hand to shatter because of Kyle’s Titanium Woven Indestructible Grav-dense Skeleton, that are stronger than steel. Kyle just laughed and with a flick of his finger, he sent Chad flying into his truck, slamming into the door, pushing it through to the other side of the cab, leaving Chad a bloody mess.

 

Kyle turned back to Stacy and reached down to help her up and asked “Are you alright m’lady?”

Stacy looked lovingly into his eyes and answered “Kyle! Kyle! Wake up!”

Kyle opened his eyes and saw his mom standing next to him shaking his shoulder.

“Mooooom, damn it, I had just saved the world and was about to get the girl, and you ruined it.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were playing a game. I thought you were asleep when you didn’t answer me the first few times. I just wanted to know if you wanted tendies for dinner?”

Kyle groaned out “Of course I want tendies, and give me extra since you interrupted me” and turned around to get back to playing his game.

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