I SHIT YOU NOT

”I shit you not!” Dan said to the group of onlookers that had gathered at the bar to hear his tales of space travel.

“No way. There is no way space is that bad.” replied Paul, his best friend who had joined him for his return home celebration.

“I’m telling you, it is worse than you think.”

“You’re saying that advanced civilizations, that have achieved space travel, do not use bathrooms, they just shit wherever they are?”

“That is what I am saying. Most of them have anatomy that makes using a bathroom next to impossible, so they just go whenever and wherever.”

Nothing but stunned silence emanated from the onlookers…

“Some species are at least civilized enough to move over to a corner or off to the side of walkways, but others do not care.”

“It must stink to high heaven.”

“It does. Most species do not have a sense of smell, so it does not bother them.”

“What happens to it? Does it just pile up?” asked one of the onlookers.

“No, on planetside there are dedicated cleaners to take care of it, but outside they only shovel the big stuff, they don’t wash it down. Inside buildings and on ships, they will at least try to mop up the mess and spray a cleaner.”

“Sounds like a shitty job.” deadpanned Paul.

Dan just gave him a sideways glare.

“I guess you won’t be going back then?” asked another onlooker.

“Oh, I am going back. I want to see Viviatol. It is supposed to be the most beautiful planet in the galaxy. I am only here to get some paperwork so I can go.”

“How can it be beautiful if everyone shits everywhere?” asked Paul.

“Viviatolians use bathrooms and they do not allow any species that doesn’t use one to visit and they must have the proper documentation.”

“What kind of documentation is needed to visit?”

“Since we don’t have official documentation, I have to get a sworn statement from my parents that I was potty trained.”

“Now I know you are shitting me!” exclaimed Paul.

Dan replied, shaking his head. “I shit you not.”

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