Anything can be a weapon – Straw

“I need a weapon to kill someone that is impossible to kill.” a patron said as he entered the seediest arms store in this arm of the galaxy.

“If you want someone who is hard to kill dead, you hire a human assassin. They can kill using anything as a weapon.” Gravra replied to the well dressed Corlilian now in front of him.

“Nonsense, you cannot kill someone with just anything.”

“No, but a human assassin can use things that would not normally be a weapon to kill someone in the appropriate circumstances and they are very creative with their methods. Let me give you an example, you know who the Parbloo are?”

“Of course, they are the richest species in the galaxy.”

“Yes, but do you know about them?”

“No, not much, just that they are in the pharmaceutical industry.”

“As you said they are the richest species in the galaxy and as such have the best bodyguards. They are basically like giant protozoans, you know, sack full of fluid with several pseudopods for movement. That fluid is the most potent aphrodisiac in the galaxy, Leksphuk, and their excrement is made up of eighty percent of it. They filter it and sell it for a fortune.”

“Ew… if I had known…”

“Anyway, someone wanted one of them dead for some reason and hired a human to do the job. This human found its mark at one of those no weapons of any kind club, including no claws, fangs, or horns. Humans can enter since they do not have any of those and frequent these type of bars often, so the hitman entering was normal. It walks up to the bar and orders some kind of icy slush drink and asks for a straw, saying something about freezing its brain without one. It takes its drink over to the booth next to the mark and sits down with its back to it. Now this creative killer takes the straw and rolls the end closed to make something like a point, squeezes the straw and puts its thumb over the other end. It then reaches behind itself and between the seats through the tail space, and jabs it into the Parbloos rear and lets go. Parbloo do not have nerves so it did not feel it and its bodyguards did not see it. When the human let go of the straw there was a slight vacuum and it created a siphon and started draining its fluid. By the time the Parbloo realized what was going on, it had lost forty percent of its fluid and when the bar patrons realized what was going on, there was a mass rush of beings trying to get some of the gallons of aphrodisiac on the floor. By the time the bodyguards got the Parbloo out of the frenzy and to a hospital it was too late.”

“Sounds like a human is the weapon I need, how do I get in touch with one?”

“I do not know myself, but here take this number…” he replies as he hands him a plastic card, “they can put you in touch with someone.”

“Thanks.” the Corlilian replied as he turned toward the door to leave.

“One word of advice. Do not screw over a human assassin, the only thing they like more than a killing, is a revenge killing.”

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