Human Idioms – Hollow Leg

Steven walked down the main hall of the Kav Convadita, more commonly called the Kava, looking for the mess hall so he could grab a bite to eat before starting his first shift. He was the first human to serve aboard the Kava and the first that most of the crew had ever seen. He found the room that his tablet said was the correct room and entered through the door. The room was mostly empty save a few crew members sitting in the back. He walked over toward the food replicators and saw a bowl of something that looked like Turkish Delights from home. He grabbed one and popped it into his mouth and started chewing. It was a little tough to chew and fairly bland, but he managed to finish it thinking it wasn’t so bad. He continued making his way to the food replicator when all of a sudden…..


Quatittel was sitting in the mess hall when the newest crew member entered. Ze knew that it was a human, one of the newest entries into the federation, and that this one was a male. Ze was mesmerized by him and stared as he moved through the room. Ze had never seen a species that covered themselves with so much clothing. It made zim wonder what they were hiding under them. Ze knew that they did not have fur like most warm blooded species, and that they need clothes to stay warm, but still ze wondered. As ze stared at the human ze saw him pick up a c-cube and it looked like he was going to eat it. Ze got up and started moving toward him trying to yell at him to stop, but by the time ze made it to him, it had already been eaten. Ze grabbed hold of him with four of zis upper primary tentacles and starting dragging him out of the room.


“What are you doing?” protested Steven, as he was being dragged out the door and barely able to stay upright.


“Taking you to the infirmary.” replied Quatittel.


Steven tried to protest, but he start feeling some major rumbling in his stomach. As they entered into the infirmary, which was just down the hall, Quatittel yelled for the doctor.


“What is the emergency?” asked Baturba, the ships head doctor.


“This crewman just ate a c-cube!” Quatittel exclaimed.


Baturba yelled to his assistant “Get the OR ready, call in my associates, and get the clean up crew ready, we are going to have a mess on our hands.”


“What is going on?” demanded Steven.


Quatittel replied “You ate a c-cube.” as ze helped get Steven onto the OR table.


“So, I’m fine, just a little gas.” Steven said as another pang of pain kicked in.


“C-cube stands for condensed crew chow and when rehydrated, feeds eight. If we do not get it out of you, you may explode.”


Baturba came over with a scanner and pointed it at Steven. “Your stomach is experiencing great pressure, and emitting stress hormones. We are going to have to operate immediately.”


“Nonsense.” replied Steven. “It’s just a little discomfort. I’ll be fine.”


Baturba turned and grabbed another instrument that looked like an injection device and turned back to Steven.


“Whoa, whoa , whoa.” said Steven as he tried to get away from Baturba. “There is no need for that, I’m fine. Really…. Hold on.” He put his hand to his stomach and let out a long burp. “BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP”. He took a deep breath and said “There, I’m much better. Check.”


Baturba grabbed his scanner and checked. “Your pressure levels have reduced to safe, but high, levels and hormone production has reduced, but you still have consumed way too much food and that will cause your blood energy levels to spike and can cause problems. We can not induce vomiting, due to the size of the food once expanded, so we will need to operate.”


“How many calories was in that?” asked Steven.


Baturba looked up the conversion on his data pad and said “It was about 8000 calories.”


Steven laughed. “I’ve eaten that much before, almost every Thanksgiving and even at some parties.”


“How can you eat that much and still function?” asked Quatittel.


“Well. my mom said I had a hollow leg and could just pack away as much food as I wanted.”


Baturba picked up a scanner, pointed it at Steven, and flatly said “Your leg is not hollow”.


Steven laughed and said “That is just a human idiom, sayings that mean something different than the individual words. In this case it means that I can eat a lot more food than what most people see as normal.”


“Human language is weird.” remarked Quatittel as ze helped Steven down.


“Feels like I’ve got a ton of rocks in my stomach.”


“That is close to the truth.” replied Quatittel with a couple of tentacles place sympathetically on his shoulder.


“What is in them?” asked Steven.


“Magrot grub paste, Festerling blood jelly, and Dandrup flakes, I think.”


“I think I am going to be sick.” said Steven, who regretting asking as he tried to stifle a gag.


“Do not do that, the doctor said it would be bad.” replied Quatittel, still trying to give comfort.


“It’s going to be a long day.” sighed Steven.

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